so im supposed to be writing a paper on a book that i didn't read right about now. or cleaning. or anything but this but who cares about the rules? ha.

so today was chapel today and i kinda felt bad for texting the entire time. 45 minutes of just texting while this guy talked. and there is no doubt in my mind that he was a good speaker. i heard a lot of laughing. then i heard a lot of dead silence. which is actually a good thing i think. but like i said i wasn't paying attention at all. and in my head i was like "dear god im sorry that you are probably trying to tell me something right now through this man and im just ignoring it...amen"

then the man stopped talking and we sang some songs and it was time to pray. and i felt this deep pull to just touch someone. so i grabbed lizzies hand and wrapped my arm around alex. and i was so comforted. and i realized in that moment when i put my phone up and prayed that what i need right now is my friends. and i need them in a way that will spiritually build me up. i need them to rely on and to be able to hold on to. so god did talk to me at chapel today. and im not saying you should text the whole time then expect to get something magically out of it at the end....but thats what happened for me. and actually as im typing this i remember the other day in bible class we prayed i wanted so bad to grab onto someone. but scott sits next to me and quite frankly i think holding his hand would be terrifying. but i wanted to. i wanted that connection with someone else while i prayed. and i tonight im going to read my bible and investigate this more... but for now i know i need and want this physical connection so i can begin a spiritual one with the people around me. im tired of silly friendships or acquaintances. i want to be able to discuss my faith and ideas and be able to lean on something besides this blog or my journal or the sketches i draw.

so if you see me today, just hug me. or pull the old lady hand squeeze. because i need it. and i need you. and i need God.

peace my friends