simple things

right now i am very comfortable.
I never thought that i could say that about being in this new place.
I feel all cozy and warm and happy. which may actually just be numbness disguising itself, but for now...im totally ok not knowing the difference.

its like. you know that feeling you have those first moments when you wake up? the position your body is in is the most warm, most perfect place? and that place was discovered when you were sleeping. your conscience self didnt put you there in that nest of blankets and pillows and dreams... it happend without your input at all. and it is my favorite feeling in the world.

this is what my life is.

this whole year ive been snoozing. not knowing i was OK, not knowing that i was warm and safe. But I woke up. and here i am. Im happy and warm and perfect. new people new things have come into my life that have awaken me. and for that i am so thankful. I thought that sleeping through the year and isolating myself and my feelings would be the thing that got me through...and to a degree it has. Because i have had to protect myself. but i had no idea until now that everything was going to be ok for me. I am awake and warm and in my perfect spot all snuggled and happy and really i didnt place myself in this position on my own. i couldnt have. i was asleep. so thank you. and thank God.